Children between two worlds: identity and wellbeing when growing up abroad

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One worry comes up in almost every conversation with parents raising children abroad: "are my children all right with all this?" The question is a fair one. Children and teenagers growing up abroad carry enormous riches — two languages, two cultures, a wider view of the world — but also challenges of their own that deserve attention.

Growing up between two belongings

A child of parents who emigrated faces, from early on, a question others do not face in the same way: "where am I actually from?" At home they are Portuguese — they speak the language, eat the food, live the customs. Outside, they are the Portuguese one, the foreigner, "the different one". And when they visit Portugal, they sometimes feel slightly outside there too, "the one who lives far away". This dual belonging is a strength when supported well, and a source of confusion when ignored.

Language as an emotional root

Keeping the family language at home is not only practical or cultural — it is emotional. A mother tongue is the thread connecting a child to their grandparents, their extended family, the stories that shape them. When that thread is lost, part of the relationship with their roots goes with it. Speaking the language at home, reading, watching content, keeping contact with family back home: all of this feeds a secure base of identity.

Signs parents should watch for

• Rejecting the language or the origin — when a child refuses to speak the family language or feels ashamed of where they are from, they may be trying to "fit in" at an emotional cost.
• Isolation or trouble settling in — especially after moving country or changing school.
• Performance anxiety — the pressure of having to prove themselves in a language and school system that are not their family's.
• Tension in adolescence — the clash between family values and those of the host country sharpens at this stage.

How to support your children's wellbeing

Validate both belongings (rather than forcing a choice), keep family rituals without imposing them, make space for your child to talk about what they feel in both worlds, and stay attentive without dramatising. Most children adapt well with the right support. When persistent difficulties appear — anxiety, isolation, identity conflicts that weigh — psychological support helps. Children and teenagers can explore these questions in whichever language they feel most truthfully in, and parents get guidance on how to support them. HICOA provides this online, from any country.